So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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