Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My ass is underappreciated
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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