yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
