dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
