What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
