My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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