im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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