Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
