I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
