You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
