next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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