she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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