Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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