Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and she was petting her beer can
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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