I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
