What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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