so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
