the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
