all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
