the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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