I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
