no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize