"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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