does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
