Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
God, I missed his penis.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
