Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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