dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
