I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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