I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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