He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
