Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
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is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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