My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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