Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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