I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
