Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
