I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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