Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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