Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
