I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize