Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
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She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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