tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
