can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
