yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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