I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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