i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
