The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
