Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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