Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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