We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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