My room smells like vodka and shame
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
