I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
