i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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