he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize