don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
