Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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