the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
