I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
