so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
