then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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