I wish I could teleport
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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