Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
