So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
