hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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