im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
