____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
