Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
