I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
