Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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