can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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