im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
